Monmouth Regatta Report 2010

Prelude

It is dark.  Two furtive, shadowy creatures, one unnaturally tall, the other very short, move from boat to boat in a trailer park somewhere in Wales.

Sound of hacksaw on metal can be clearly heard over the rumbling sky on this windy, rainy night in May.

Screek, screek, screek.  Screek, screek, screek.

Whispers.  "Ow 'bout that one over there, then", says the short one.

"Boyo" says the tall, "say boyo so if anyone over'ears, they will think it's an inside job!".

"Ow 'bout that one over there, then... boyo".

 "Do 'em all, my precious, do 'em all".

Saturday 29th May

Spring Bank Holiday in Wales is going to be wet, and we were not disappointed.  Yet despite the squalls, the beauty of the Wye came as a sharp and pleasant contrast to the beast that is the Lea.  We came as a Vets and Senior male team in roughly equal numbers, along with a few carefully chosen, tolerant camp follwers.  We bonded well.  The old 'uns brought civilsation to the campsite: deckchairs, canopies with cute little lilac and black flags, tables, cutlery, beer, little children and boring tales of yester year. And the youngsters repaid in kind, by getting drunk, eating as much as they could, running amok, hiding cars in the woods, doing silly things to tents and in tents, and being noisy at 3am.

The seniors played experimentally for most of the weekend.  Not wanting to pick up unnecessary wins that would jeopardise Henley, they relearned the ancient art of sculling, in all it's forms, and returned home at the end of the day potless, except for a Maidstone v Maidstone IM3 4x straight final.  I don't want to decry their efforts.  The novice single scullers, Ridgeway, Charlie and Tom (now known as Poppet), all won one or two rounds and did very credibly.

The boys did show the Welsh that we can row, and row well, with the one crew who aren't at Henley triumphing at IM3 4+. 


IM3 4+ win (3.07 mins into clip)

The experienced Vets were shown the door, by some very capable opposition. Huggy and Henry (no slouches on home turf), were seen off by 2 lengths by the Bradford-on-Avon half of a composite that won Vet D at the Fours Head.  The fledgling Vet C 4+ were beaten by the same distance by a Llandaff crew that had won Vet C at the Fours Head the year before.  We were really picking our opposition.

Olly and Gerraint continued to discover how hard it is sculling at Vet Novice, but did win a round.  Your time will come gentlemen.

The Vet Novices, however, came into their own this weekend.  The outrageous mismatch of their 8+ against Cardiff University did not result in their expected capitulation.  They lost, but only by a length or so, and they looked neat and tidy.

The 8 then split into 2 coxed 4s, both in straight finals against Upton RC and Ross County respectively and... they both won!!  The perfect result.  Pots all round, and as they were non qualifying events, they stayed novices.  Among them big Richard (yes another one).  He, who looks like Thor and is so new to the rowing and the club, I don't know his last name.  An extraordinary achievement.


Vet Novice 4+ - featuring Thor at bow.

So day one closed with a respectable return of 4 Maidstone wins.  That night, the seniors got up to their normal tricks, and the Vets hit a curry house and were by and large good that night.  The key exception being Coach Abraham, who drank to excess, with the normal consequences the following morning.

That night, a tall, lean chap and a very short one, slipped away when no one was looking to attend to some business...

Interlude

Screek, screek, screek.  Screek, screek, screek.

"I fort we 'ad dun 'em all last night... boyo".

"Nah, forgot the ones in the boat house, didn't we, my precious".

"Fing is, I've lorst count of what we 'av dun.  In fact, I've a nasty feeling we dun our own boats too... boyo".


"Oh no, you plonker.  Get on wif it,  I'll go get some araldite"...

Sunday 30th May

We were all surprised with it being a gloriously sunny day on the Wye.  But less surprised as the Senior experiment at sculling continued to fail.  Their best result (and, in fact, the gutsiest row of the weekend for me, was Tom losing the Novice Scull final by a length).  His Reading Uni opposition out rated him by 4 pips all the way down, but still Tom hung on in there and was slowly catching at the end.

Also, a similar story for our experienced Vets.  The Monmouth Vet C4+ - possibly the best crew at the regatta, coasted home easily against our Vet C4+ (though Lois had at least taught them how to do a decent start).

As for messers Huggins and Coach Abraham who were due yet again to meet the Bradford boys.  Hmmm.  Huggins took Abraham to a Little Chef and tried to sober him up with coffee.  When he could speak, the tall green giant leant over the table and amidst the stale curry and beer fumes, earnestly said: "listen old chap, I better tell you now that I fully expect you to do all the rowing - I'll just be a passenger, if that's alright". And he slumped back, comatose.

"No, no" I cried, "listen, I've spoken to them and they admit that 1k is their distance. 1500 meters is unknown territory for them.  1500 is our distance, we'll take them at the end... are you listening, Henry... why are you sleeping?"

So, Huggins pulled the snoring lard arse down the course for 1k, looked round and saw the Bradford boys 4 lengths up.  Dutifully, he shouted "LEGS", at which point, Coach Abraham woke up, the boat surged forward, and the Bradford boys had to work to keep their winning distance to 1.5 lengths.  If there had been a handicap, things may have gone differently.

So to the Vet Novices.  Same trick, an 8+ and 2 4+s.  The fours lost this time, but the 8+, in their first heat are ahead as they came into the final straight.  But look, something is very odd.  Bert isn't rowing, in fact his backstay has fallen off.  So why are they winning?  Well look, the Llandaff opposition stroke and seven aren't rowing either.  Bits have mysteriously fallen off their boat too.  It's a very strange sight.  How odd.

In the final, our boys are up against another University - Swansea.  As they came into the final straight, Swansea are just up.  But look, they are slowing down as they come to the line.  Oh and look, the Swansea stroke man's whole rigger, gate and pin have disintegrated.  And look, our boys surge past them and win their Novice pot!!!!


Oh and look, the Swansea stroke man's whole rigger, gate and pin have disintegrated - 5mins into the clip

Hurrah!

Seriously, the boys rowed brilliantly, unfairly placed among kids half their age, they took their chances, and as Big Bill said... "if you can't stand the heat..."

Pics, lawsuits and subsequent amendments to come.